Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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