You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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