remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize