I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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