Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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