There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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