Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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