Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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