you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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