I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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