dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize