this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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