Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize