Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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