Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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