So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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