he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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