You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
3 2 1 whiskey
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize