So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize