I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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