Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize