Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room

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(714): I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room http://tfl.nu/2egq

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower

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(508): Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower http://tfl.nu/74dl

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(415): View more from California

Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok

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(415): Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok http://tfl.nu/rrpn

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

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(603): I forgot how few teeth there are in this state... http://tfl.nu/03va

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.

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(920): I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either. http://tfl.nu/oep9

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...

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(402): I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9... http://tfl.nu/1jeo

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times

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(508): If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times http://tfl.nu/rglo

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(208): View more from Idaho

Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.

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(208): Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon. http://tfl.nu/yvgl

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(214): View more from Texas

Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?

(281): View more from Texas

If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!

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(214): Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex? (281): If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy! http://tfl.nu/0a5o

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(440): View more from Ohio

While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.

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(440): While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from. http://tfl.nu/t77t

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(636): View more from Missouri

I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.

(636): View more from Missouri

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.

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(636): I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB. (636): I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE. http://tfl.nu/x3bf

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(310): View more from California

I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.

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(310): I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college. http://tfl.nu/x5oz

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(760): View more from California

I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?

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(760): I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/rhvf

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(416): View more from Toronto

Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

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(416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i

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(720): View more from Colorado

I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.

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(720): I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it. http://tfl.nu/x8ch

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