You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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