my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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