Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize