She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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