i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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