I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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