hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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