I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize