so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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