So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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