3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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