I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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