He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize