Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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