i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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