today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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