I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize