you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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