So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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