i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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