We named our party play list daddy issues
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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