the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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