Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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