:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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