That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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