Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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