So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize