I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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